“I’ll Do What You Say.”

September 25, 2006 on 12:10 pm | In Bett's, Funny Kid Stories | No Comments

Hannah has a favorite story, which she—and her parents—have almost memorized. It is called “Simon and His Boat,” and it is in a larger collection of stories called Read Aloud Children’s Bible Stories, Vol 2. The story is from Luke 5. Simon and his friends had spent the whole night trying to catch fish and didn’t catch a single one. The next day after Jesus had taught from their boat, He asked Simon to put the boat out into the deep water to catch some fish. In Hannah’s version, the phrases that repeat over and over are: “Simon wanted to please Jesus. So he did what Jesus said.” At one point, when Jesus asks Simon to put his boat out into deep water, Simon protests, then ends with, “BUT I’LL DO WHAT YOU SAY.” It is a good story on obedience.
This morning during bathtime, I asked Hannah to put away her toys before getting out of the tub. This is standard procedure, but Hannah is almost two, so she feels like she needs to test such boundaries fairly often. In perfect two-year-old rebellion, she shouted, “NO!” So I reminded her of her favorite story, “Simon and His Boat.” I reminded her that even though Simon did not understand why Jesus asked him to put his boat out, Simon wanted to please Jesus, so Simon said, “I’LL DO WHAT YOU SAY.” It pleases Jesus when we are obedient. It also pleases Mommy when Hannah says, “Mommy, I’ll do what you say.” Hannah thought about this for a moment, then put her toys away.

A few hours later, Hannah was trying to convince me that she needed more snacks. I told her it was all done—no more. She begged again. Again I refused. She repeated this a few times, then finally in exasperation, she said, “Mommy, it’s I’LL DO WHAT SAY!” In other words, “Dang it, Mommy, you want to please me (and Jesus), so just tell me, ‘I’ll do what you say’!”

It is not right that my parent logic be used against me.

Oral E & Naughtycakes

September 17, 2006 on 9:38 pm | In Bett's, Funny Kid Stories | No Comments

Tonight Eli and I played tug of war with a sock… and our mouths. Eli’s oral fixation has been driving me a little crazy lately. He had been chasing me, but suddenly got distracted by one of his little socks. He stops, picks it up, and—naturally—puts it into his mouth. I ripped it out of his mouth and stuck it in mine. He leaned down with his face hovering above mine, his mouth open, wide and drooling. His aim is not so good; first he bit my nose, then my chin. Finally he managed to get the other end of the sock in his mouth before he bit down and pulled. We posted a couple of pictures of this.

For all his oral fixation, one would think he would also eat solids very, very well, which he does, but not the kind I would prefer him to eat. He eats rocks, paper, wood, paper, dirt, paper, grass, paper, quarters, paper, and an occasional bug. He will eat Cheerios and Kix, and these he attacks with such enthusiastic speed that if I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was on the verge of starving. Elisha does not, however, like to eat baby foods, like sauces and mashed things. If he cannot grab it and put it in his very wide mouth, then he will not cooperate.

I had realized this a little, and I also realized that lately he has been refusing to drink from a bottle for n8 when I leave, but I did not think that this stubborness would assert itself this weekend in quite the strong manner it did. n8 and I were gone from Friday night until Saturday night. Twenty-six-and-a-half hours. Eli and Hannah stayed with some friends of ours from church. Eli did not eat for twenty-six-and-a-half hours. He refused all bottles. He refused cups. He refused warm milk, cold milk, water, goat’s milk, goat’s milk and caro syrup, warm applesauce, cold applesauce, vegetables, and everything else our friends could think to give him. He in essence went on a hunger strike until his mommy walked through the door. In the last 24 hours, he has put away quite a bit of food, including applesauce. Oh the desperate stubborness of our son.

He also fell off the dryer 2 weeks ago. Now we’ll have an excuse ready for him if he ever asks why he has turned out the way he has.

Does n8 have such an excuse?

Hannah has emerged into a new phase of development, one I call “The Big Sister Era.” She has discovered that she is older, bigger, and stronger than Eli, and this causes her no end of delight and pleasure. Sometimes she channels this delight into positive areas, and holds Eli, gets him things, tries to soothe him if he cries, or demonstrates affection with hugs and kisses. Sometimes, however, that affection crosses the line of appropriate behavior and begins to resemble something a bit more violent than just a hug.

A more recent way this has been enacted is during bathtime. Hannah now loves to hold Eli during their bath. It is very sweet to watch, an almost two-year-old holding a “baby” who is nearly the size that she is. She calls him her baby. She giggles and tries to cradle him. There is but one problem with this: Eli is (so far) a living creature. He is nine months old. He does not like to be held (constrained), he likes to be free to crawl and splash and explore and STAND. He cannot be Hannah’s baby, he is far too wiggly and big and ALIVE, not like Hannah’s doll, which, unfortunately she cannot take with her into the tub, it being made of cloth.

The average bath goes something like this: Eli is happily playing in his area of the tub. Hannah shrieks and giggles, climbs over to him, pulls his arms and torso and yanks him down so that he is sitting in front of her. He tries to escape the clutches of his overly “affectionate” sister. She pulls him back. He squawks and tries again. She pulls him back. Repeat this a few times. His cries grow louder and more desperate. And then Hannah Kairos happily pushes Eli’s face under water so he will stop protesting and getting her into trouble. That actually has the opposite effect than what she intends it to. It is another action that falls under the category of “naugh-ty.” Hannah is no longer allowed to hold Eli in the bathtub. But sometimes I look away, and she is exceptional at taking advantage of those moments.

Hannah regularly hits Eli, another example of The Big Sister Era. I am really not sure why she does this. As far as I can see, it provides her no benefit. She swiftly and painfully gets into trouble every single time. Eli does not like it—he cries—and she usually does not like it when he cries. Perhaps it makes her feel more powerful.

A couple days ago I heard Eli wailing from the other room. Hannah comes tearing out of that room, into the kitchen where I was. My favorite thing about this age is her inability to skillfully deceive. Guilt was written all over her face.

Me: Hannah, what did you do?
Hannah: Hit. Eli. Eli cai-ing [crying].
Me: Is it nice when you hit Eli?
Hannah: Yep.
Me: No, it is naughty. Does Jesus like it when you hit Eli?
Hannah: Yep.
Me: Hannah, look at me. Does Jesus like it when you hit Eli?
Hannah: Yep.
Me: Hannah Kairos. Look. At. Me. Does Jesus like it when you hit Eli?
Hannah: (guiltily) No.
Me: You need to tell Eli you are sorry and give him a hug.
Hannah: (rebellion replaces guilt) NO.

Hannah tries to squirm away and will not make eye contact with me. She tips her head up and down and says, “No. No. No.” She gets room time. Twice. I tell her again about the story of the boy who went away (the prodigal son), how he realized he had been bad and he said, “Sorry, God. Sorry, Daddy.” and that made Jesus very happy when he said he was sorry. She becomes highly motivated to escape her room. TWENTY minutes later she relents, apologizes to Eli, and gives him a nice hug and a kiss. A few minutes later I hear her little voice piping, “Sorra, God. Sorra, Daddy. Sorra, God. Sorra Daddy.”

Later in the day, during Eli’s naptime, she confesses to me again.

Hannah: Mommy?
Me: Yes, Hannah.
Hannah: Mommy, I hit Eli.
Me: Did you hit Eli?
Hannah: ( apologetically) Ye-ah.
Me: Is it nice when you hit Eli?
Hannah: No, it’s naugh-ty.

Maybe she is learning a little.