Bu Baby Wayah

From the moment she came home, Eli has joyfully loved his new baby sister. Nayah has yet to reciprocate. I was noticing today that it is a little like a parameter alarm: as soon as Eli crosses some invisible barrier known only to Nayah, she yells like she is being tortured. Not that I blame her; Eli loves her with all the intensity of a two-year-old boy, which is to say he happily plops his squat body on top of hers to kiss her, or shoves a pacifier he found in his toy box into her face… when she is peacefully sleeping. He is still learning gentleness, and Navayah does not like to be the object lesson while he is doing so.

Eli has, however, given Nayah her most attached nickname to date. For the first few weeks of her life, he kept calling her “Bu Baby.” It took me a long while to realize that “Bu” meant “little” in Eli-speak, so he was calling her “Little Baby.” “Wayah” is a recent addition. He has trouble with his initial consonants, meaning, he does not say them if he can possibly avoid them.

Navayah still is not my most easy-going child. She rotates between joy and fury. She has likely been my smiliest baby, and rivals Hannah for the most talkative (the other competition being Eli means she will never be last–he did not try to communicate beyond the occasional grunt until he was well past a year-and-a-half.). On the rare occasions she lets me set her down IN ANOTHER ROOM while she is awake, I have caught her gurgling, cooing, and smiling to herself. Much of the time, though, Nayah flips between sleep and fury. She does not get sad or pitying like Hannah and Eli used to. When she cries, it nearly always has a bit of a homicidal edge to it. If I do not feed her fast enough, if she has gas, if we set her down, if Eli gets too close, if her pacifier slips out of her mouth or her blankets loosen (she needs to be swaddled tightly in order to be happy), or any other number of things, she releases a sweeping rush of anger towards whomever caused her discomfort.

The good news is I probably will neither have to spend an hour and a half talking her through her fears before bed, nor process a myriad of emotions every few minutes. I will likely not have to worry about her following her feelings/emotions over her standards for right and wrong. Once she has chosen her path, few will probably be able to move her from it. (That is already the case and she is not yet even three months old.)

I will, however, probably have a lot fewer possessions due to her smashing or ripping or in other ways damaging them beyond repair. I also may get the great fortune of witnessing a Sumu-sized tantrum in a store, wrestling matches to the death with her siblings (and any other child foolish enough to cross her), and the greatest bubbly outburst of joy I have yet glimpsed in a small person.

I was bound to have a child like her sooner or later, and frankly I am surprised that it has taken this long for God to follow through on my mother’s curse (the “just-wait-till-you-have-kids-just-like-you!” one). My sisters and I were more prone to physical violence towards each other to resolve disputes than to insult-hurtling. When parents were not paying attention, it was not uncommon for one of us to punch another in the stomach, or face, or any other squishy or easily-pained body part.

On second thought, maybe I’ll raise my children to age 5 or so, after which time the grandparents can have them since they did such a good job on us!

(Updated pictures of Nayah have been posted. Ones of the house are on their way.)

Trusting is hard

I know how discouraging it can be for you. I’m praying that God will lead you to either the right roommate(s) or will lead you to another apartment. Also about the job, I know it can be discouraging but we know God has provided for you in the past and He won’t let you down now. I started receiving a daily Bible verse and weekly wisdom from Christ Notes. I think the Weekly Wisdom fits your situation right now.
It can also be daunting as far as your finances are concerned and looking at how you live I don’t know how you can adjust that. Maybe a financial planner would be able to help you with that.
Hope you are doing okay. You know I pray for you all the time and wish I could make it all okay but that is God’s and your job not mine. However, I will never stop being your mom and wanting to help.

Trust

This has been a chaotic and stressful holiday season for me. It is the first Christmas I didn’t go home. Granted, Tim came up and we hung out for a couple days, but I gotta admit, it didnt’ feel like Christmas. Tack on my roommates (one of whom is my best friend) moving out, adding just a little bit more stress. For the first time in years, I had a vacation in which I had the potential to relax knowing that I didn’t have to worry about finding another job. However, now I had to find two roommates, pay the entire month’s rent myself, and pay a hefty deposit to keep the apartment. So now, I’m poor and hoping that my finances will last. And then some of the roommates I had been counting on decided not to move in. Additionally, the landlord wants to raise the rent by more than 3 times the allowed amount. The writer’s strike is limiting the number of jobs available, so even though I’ve got three weeks of work left, I have no idea if, or where my next job is coming from. And I’m way further in debt than I expected to be at my age, with no viable assets to show for it.

Needless to say, I haven’t been sleeping well lately.

It’s hard to trust that things will turn out all right. It’s hard to trust God in these times with these problems. No solutions seem ready at hand. I know that I’m in a risky industry. Jobs are temporary and fleeting. But as a friend always points out, God has blessed me this last year and a half. I’ve been fairly steadily employed with a growing number of people who are fans of my work. People trying to help me succeed. So trust becomes a little easier. But the finances, how do I work that out? Some how, I was able to afford to pay my landlord more than a months salary. How did that happen? I’m not really sure, but God provided just when I needed it. So trust becomes a little easier. And roommates. Who knows what will happen. There are people interested, and so I just have to trust that it will work out. God hasn’t failed me yet. So I have to trust that it will work out and strive to not worry or allow myself to be stressed out by it.

But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.

~james