Stupid Questions

January 28, 2010 on 6:23 pm | In Bett's, Funny Kid Stories | 1 Comment

“Eli, someday when you are in school, a teacher or other professional will try to tell you that there is no such thing as a stupid question, but you are proof that they are wrong,” n8 told Eli one night.

 

Hannah, as a girl and the first child, naturally talks more than Eli does.  Eli, however, is uncontestedly the champion of stupid questions.  Eli fills the average ten-minute car ride with 10-15 questions, with gusts of up to 27.  A particularly memorable one revolved around the exciting topic of worms and roads (Do worms eat corn?  Do they live on roads?  Why not?)  Here are other examples of Eli’s stupid questions.

 

Grandma, are you standing? (as he looks at her, standing two feet away from him.)

 

Eli: May I have as many apples as Hannah has?
Us: How many apples did Hannah have?
Eli: Two.
Us: How many apples did you have?
Eli: Two; did Hannah have more apples than me?

 

Eli [as n8 is pushing the lawn mower]: Daddy are you done yet?  When will you be done?
n8: Do you see the tall grass?  Now do you see the short grass?  When the tall grass has all been eaten up and the whole lawn is short, then I’ll be done.
Eli: When will that be?
n8: Do you see the tall grass?  Now do you see the short grass?  When the tall grass…

 

Eli: Mom, what are you doing?
Me: What does it look like I’m doing?
Eli: Are you combing your hair?
Me: Yes.
Eli: Why?
Me: Why do you think I’m combing my hair?
Eli: Is it because it’s messy?
Me: That is generally why one combs one’s hair.

 

Today Eli’s bout of questions hit while he was finishing his bath.  The child would probably live in the bathtub if it stayed constantly full of warm water.  I was asking him to get out of the tub.  He was asking about sharks.  Believe me when I say that we have covered this subject before.  “How do sharks swim? How big are sharks?  Where do they live?  Do sharks drink?  What do sharks eat?”

 

Finally, out of exasperation, I told him that sharks like to swim up drains and eat little boys in bathtubs.  He stood bolt upright and stared at the drain in terror.  The mean, nasty side of me quivered with laughter.

 

“Eli.  How big are sharks?”

“Bigger than people.” (more or less, we’ll let that go)

“Can you fit through a drain?”

“No.”

“Can sharks fit through drains?”

“I want to get out now.”

“Good idea.”

I am such a mean mom.